Vibrator Envy
Why The Boys Don’t Like Our Toys

Dorrie Williams-Wheeler
A few weeks prior to Valentine's Day I took a trip to my local adult toy store. All customers are allowed to browse the merchandise in the front of the store, which includes lingerie, incense and shoes, but you must show proper age verifying identification to enter the main area of the store. I showed the clerk my ID card and walked through the closed door to enter the main area of the store. In front of me was a plethora of adult toys, sensual aids, videos, magazines, whips, and much more.

Although I already have a vibrator, I decided to browse the selection of vibrators. I noticed two men browsing the magazines; one of them was a younger African-American man, close to my age. I paid them no mind and proceeded to look at the wide assortment of vibrators. Glow in the dark vibrators, vibrators that feel "just like the real thing," the assortment was vast and the prices ranged from $10.99-$79.99. I picked up several to see the prices. As I was holding a 12-inch pink glow in the dark vibrator with a light up tip, the young African American man walked up to me and said, "You don't need that when you can have the real thing." I shot him a dirty look and proceeded to tell him I was happily married. I hate when people talk to me when I am at the adult toy store, unless they are an employee. I thought to myself: that was either a weak pick up line or else he was a man who is jealous of vibrators.

That started me thinking, why are so many men jealous or insecure when it comes to the thought of women pleasuring themselves with vibrators? Case in point. My friend, let's call her Jane Doe. Jane always keeps her vibrator in the top drawer of her nightstand next to her bed. On more than one occasion her vibrator either came up missing or was sabotaged. Jane's husband would hide the vibrator from her. Lucky, for Jane he wasn't good at choosing hiding places. She usually found it in his sock drawer or in the closet on the top shelf. When Jane would confront her husband about this behavior he would say, "Why do you have that thing when you have me?" She then would proceed to tell her husband that she liked to use the vibrator when he wasn't home and she was bored. He asked her if she "used the vibrator due to the size of his penis." He told Jane that he measured his fully erect penis up against the vibrator and they were the exact same size-10 inches. Jane assured him that it had absolutely nothing to do with penis size. She explained that she only used the vibrator for clitoral stimulation. After reassuring her husband this last time, Jane thought that her husband would leave her vibrator alone for good. For a while everything was cool. Then the sabotage began.

One Saturday afternoon when Jane was home alone and her husband was out playing golf, she decided to play with her vibrator to entertain herself. When shed up the nightstand drawer the vibrator was there-but the two C batteries were missing. Furious, Jane searched the house for any small appliance that might have C batteries. On the kitchen table was the flashlight. Janed the flashlight, took out the batteries and ran upstairs to pleasure herself -- now not only out of boredom but out of frustration.

When Jane confronted her husband about the sabotage, he claimed that he needed some batteries for the flashlight and he didn't know where any other batteries were in the house. Jane was convinced it was sabotage.

My husband also has a disdain for vibrators but he isn't as bad as Jane's husband. My husband refers to my vibrator as "that thing." I don't flaunt it in his face but he knows I have it. I keep it in my drawer. For some reason, at least once a month, he finds some reason to have to go in my drawer. He'll come across my vibrator and say, "You have these things everywhere."

One particular evening as my husband and I were engaging in foreplay I said, "Why don't you use the vibrator on me?" My husband reluctantly got the vibrator out of my drawer and turned it on. He started to stroke me with the vibrator. He turned the vibrator on the highest speed and started laughing and saying "Bzzz, this is what you like?" He totally, killed the mood. I told him to turn down the speed and do it the right way. He stopped laughing and slowed the speed, but I could tell he was sulking. He then said, "Why do you like this thing? How would you like it if I brought a blow up woman doll in the bed with us?" I tried to reassure my husband and tell him that I was satisfied with him, that I just like the vibrator. I told him he could put it away. My husband is in the military, which means that sometimes he is gone for long stretches. He should be happy I have the vibrator, I have never felt lonely or tempted to cheat when he is away from home.

Back to Jane. I told her that I had an idea. I suggested that she purchase another vibrator and not let her husband know that she has it. I suggested that she come with me to the adult toy store and buy one. I don't know if she was lying or not, but Jane claimed that she had never been to the local adult toy store. As a matter of fact, she also claimed she didn't even know the store existed. The store has been in the area for over 20 years and Jane had lived in the area nearly as long. Jane told me that she would be "too embarrassed" to go to a store like that, and that she would order her new vibrator over the Internet.

I don't know why men feel insecure about their women pleasing themselves with vibrators. I've hardly seen an uprising of women leaving their mates and choosing to spend more time with their vibrators.

Not all men dislike their wives or girlfriends using vibrators. I have a male friend I have known since childhood who told me that he likes to pleasure his wife with the vibrator during lovemaking. He also added that he is glad that his wife has the vibrator so that when he is away on business he doesn't have to worry about her getting lonely.

For us women whose men don't appreciate the vibrator, we will have to continue to find new hiding places for our vibrators and we'll have to keep a stash of "C" batteries handy in case of an emergency. On top of that, we will have to continue to reassure our mates that we appreciate them more than the toys that go "bzzz."

About My Column
This column will include personal narratives and essays on topics such as sexuality, motherhood, masturbation and other topics I might feel like writing about based on my mood.

Dorrie Williams-Wheeler spends too much time trying to do too many things. She is an author, educator and web designer. She completed her Masters of Science of Education degree from Southern Illinois University in 1999. She completed her Bachelors of Science degree from SIU also in 1999. She is the author of The Unplanned Pregnancy Handbook- Real Life Stories, Resources and Information To Help YOU! The Unplanned Pregnancy Handbook features a wealth of resources about pregnancy, abortion and adoption. Women of all walks of life also share their real life stories in The Unplanned Pregnancy Handbook. She is also the author of the fiction book Sparkledoll Always Into Something, and she writes for the Teen and Rap Music section of the popular women's site Bellaonline.com. Dorrie is a stay at home military spouse and the mother of two young boys. You can visit Dorrie on the web at

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