I Am Not a Feminist
Lauri Wollner
I am constantly changing. Defining and becoming who I want to be. I struggle - am constantly struggling - with labels and figuring out where I "fit in", or not, which seems to be the case most often. I am not sure what I am or am not anymore, really. I am right in the middle on so many issues and with so many labels. It is strange, too - having been so whole-heartedly on one end of more-than-one spectrum at one time or another in my life. I have claimed such labels as: Catholic, "born-again" Christian, Agnostic, Alcoholic, Anorexic, Depressed, Bi-Polar, Witch (AKA Healer), Democrat, Buddhist, Lesbian, Feminist, soon-to-be Olympic athlete, butch Dyke, and on and on. I am now comfortable with many aspects of each of these labels, but cannot claim any of them.

I've considered myself a feminist since the early 90's, learning from the Second Wave. I ate it up. I loved the Older Wiser Lesbians (OWLS) and the feminists that I knew in my 20's. I felt as if I belonged when I was around those powerful womyn working hard, working together. I cared about myself when I was around them. I grew up with their wisdom. Who I am today is indeed shaped by them.

My "loyalty" was solid until I witnessed some "feminists" protest an all-girl band - proclaiming dissent in loud voices carrying obnoxiously frightening signs. The signs and the words they threw out were meant to frighten us and warn us of the "immoral" (AKA anti-feminist/anti-womon) lyrics in their music. The band (Tribe 8) "promoted violence against womyn"?! I was a good feminist, wasn't I? I was a hard-core lesbian. So, I couldn't attend their concert.

But I had to.

I wanted to check it out for myself and, if nothing else, have stories to tell someday about seeing this "awful'" band. Shit, still today I will stand in line for hours to get a chance to talk to anyone from Tribe 8. They are all solid womym, fightin' the good fight. I can't remember how many of them are sober, how many of them are survivors of various forms of sexual assault or other trauma. What I do remember learning at a workshop they held the next day was that their music is part of their recovery; that they tell their stories and they sing (Okay, perhaps more like scream) their violent, but clearly fantasized, revenge on perpetrators. They teach tolerance; they teach healing; they teach power and growth and survival. I learned to love myself more through them and their music. Their lyrics and music now carry me rather consistently on road trips and through other vulnerable times in my life. They are my heroes in many ways.

This is when I stopped trusting the feminist movement as blindly as a child trusting the perfection of a parent. I recognized at that time that I was certainly not a "separatist" feminist. I was no longer as "hard-core" and began to question, but not deny, my feminism.

Unfortunately, as far as the Third Wave goes, my experiences thus far have primarily been negative. When given the opportunity about a year ago I signed up for a Third Wave Feminist List Serv. After all, I had not "been to Church" in years, and I was out of touch with feminism. I was infuriated when I read most entries.

It seemed as if nearly everyone who wrote in was angry and insistent that everyone else must be thinking along the same lines. For instance, I remember the insistence that "we all" protest Eminem and his musical lyrics. I have learned a lot about myself from Eminem. Not unlike my experience with Tribe 8, I decided to explore what all the fuss was about. I have listened to all of his words. I have paid attention during his interviews. I have listened to him and understand where he is coming from and what he is struggling with. I do not agree with the simplistic attack that he is a less-than-human-monster that "feminists," GLBT "leaders", and other such "Leftist" groups make him out to be. I believe he has the power to grow up and teach millions in the next generation exactly the tolerance and acceptance that he is accused of ruining. Perhaps asking the kids who are listening to him in droves what they like about his music, rather than trying to ban his music, might be a more "feminist" way of dealing with the situation.

Blasting Eminem for phrases and lines strategically pulled out of context - hmm, sounds a lot like the Religious Right to me.

I wrote to the List Serv about my experience with Tribe 8 and what I gained from listening to their words and drawing my own conclusions. I wrote about how I had learned the hard way not to judge a book by its cover, and that I felt you could miss out on something or someone spectacular that you needed in your life. I attempted to support the person's opinion and their desire to protest Eminem but, I also suggested that they be mindful that others may not agree. I imagine some womyn heard my points, but I felt blasted with anger and "how dare you?" statements. I stopped being a part of that List Serv at that time. Is it fair for me to judge the Third Wave from a few months of reading angry entries on a List Serv?

Of course not. The blind self-righteousness that I have witnessed, however, closely resembles the very people that feminists oppose. I do not understand the hypocrisy and I think we should challenge it. I do not understand the hostility I have witnessed done in the name of feminism. Tonight I am going to see Eminem's new movie, which I have been excited about for months. Am I a feminist or not? I'll keep you posted.

Lauri Wollner has become well educated in her 35 years. She lives in the Mid-West with her other half, four cats and a snake. She grew up Catholic and currently has a rosary with her at all times. You can call her religious if you want, or anything else for that matter. She has survived more labels than she can remember. "Daughter" and "sister" are about the only ones she will claim. She is a work in progress.

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