There are certain things you do not tell
your mother:

Your first kiss at fourteen, how
his face hovered like a sun, and
his sausage-thick lips pulled yours
in like fat magnets drawing steel.
How his tongue slipped in and out
of your mouth like a goldfish, that
once you caught it, stroked it in wonder;

Your first try at seventeen, how
his fingers fumbled at your dress,
your bra your breasts your bottom
like a million spiders. How you froze
when they crawled into the elastic waist
of your panties and you pulled him
away, panting, and feeling like a failure.

Your first time at twenty, how
you were for once less scared
and more wet that you knew
what to do with, or how he took you
by surprise when he stopped to ask
if this was really what you wanted
and that you did not hesitate to say ‘yes!’

Your first scare at twenty-three,
six months away from graduation
and ten days late for your period,
how you are praying for bloodshed
and cursing that first kiss, that first
time, and all the other times that followed –
how you are afraid, and wish you could tell her.

Lauren K. Alleyne is currently a graduate student in creative writing. She is originally from the twin island Republic of Trinidad and Tobago and currently resides in the Midwest. Recently, her writing was selected for reading and publication in the Des Moines National Poetry Festival. Professionally, Ms. Alleyne is interested in literature and gender studies and, in her (very little) free time, is a dedicated watcher of the WB's Charmed.

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