Embracing the Housewife Within -- Sexing the Political: A journal of Third Wave Feminists on Sexuality

embracing the housewife within

The call begins typically enough: "Hi there, could you tell me when the Co-Dependents Anonymous meeting is?"

"Sure, it’s at 6 tonight," I reply, thinking that the ring of the caller’s voice is…well, chirpy.

Answering phones at the Women’s Center, it’s difficult to predict the nature of the incoming calls. Some women call because they are in crisis and need to talk out stressful situations. Some call for referral numbers for pro-bono legal advice. Some need battered women shelter listings and information. And some call for support group times, such as the Friday, 6pm Co-Dependents Anonymous meeting. Few, though, are so recognizably buoyant.

This caller pauses, though, after I answer.

"Uh, I have a strange question," she timidly offers. "Well, it’s kind of strange, you see…"

"It’s okay. Go ahead," I say, certain that, whatever she has to say, I won’t think it "strange".

"Well, I was raised by four women, have always had girlfriends, and… god, this is hard. I am dating a woman right now. But it’s just recently occurred to me that I might want to date men. I mean, I NEVER thought that would happen. I have NEVER been feminine."

"Okay," I say, wanting her to keep talking.

She does. "I have always been a strong woman. The whole concept of maleness has been an affront to that…Is this the weirdest call you’ve ever had?"

"Not at all. It’s normal to explore your sexuality."

"Really? Okay, well I guess what I need is some sort of support group. Do you have anything for a person like me?"
I think for a second. "Ah, no. We don’t have anything specifically like that here."

"So, no "Accepting the Housewife Within" support groups?" she laughs.

"Well, no," I smile. "But we do have a wish list for starting new groups. I don’t know how well that one would go over here, though."

We giggle a little more at how antithetical that idea seems for a Center that is dedicated to "helping women help themselves". Many women come to the Center to transcend the potentially stifling "housewife" role, not to embrace it. Her suggestion deserves a moment of reflection, in which a sense of unspoken mirth floats over the telephone line.

I recognize this feeling. It is the near-euphoria that accompanies the simple act of breathing, in its truest sense. Though the caller holds fear for wanting to date a man, she knows it’s just a feeling. For her, this means more than just finding some dude at the local library/grocery store/ pub with whom she can catch a movie or dinner. It means honoring her feelings, which seem inconsistent with others in her lifelong belief system.

Early on in the exploration of my own sexuality, I read Monique Wittig’s essay "The Straight Mind". Here, Wittig writes of an ideal society in which love transcends things like gender, sex, and anatomy. Love is feeling-based and therefore does not discriminate against those of the same (or in the caller’s case, opposite) sex. I remember thinking, now this does the world justice. This thought lets us all breathe easy, as the societal constraints of what we are supposed to be give way to the ample space of who we are.

Through this call, the same sense of freedom is played out. The caller laughs a little more, obviously still in good spirits:

"Okay, so maybe I can start ‘Accepting the Housewife Within’ someday. But it might be a little while."

"Okay. You are welcome to call any time. Even if you just need to talk," I say.

After hanging up the phone, I turn to relay this funny call to a fellow volunteer staffer. Something makes me take pause, though. Enjoying this space is enough. Sometimes breathing is simply enough.

Having recently completed her bachelor’s degree in philosophy, Suzie Guillette is currently waitressing. In addition to writing essays, she looks forward to her weekly singing lesson (for fun) because, let’s face it: everyone has a voice.